literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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