OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
