Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
