I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
