Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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