I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I will be naked everywhere
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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