people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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