I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
i think my cat just said my name.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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