Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
