Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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