so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
