So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
