.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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