he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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