One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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