my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
