I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
