What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
last night I used snow as a chaser
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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