Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Randomize
