is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
