My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
