You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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