just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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