Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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