i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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