dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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