I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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