So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
