im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
