Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
