the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
