He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
