I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
