Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
