I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just invented taco cereal.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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