i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
