he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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