If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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