the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
