I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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