You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
