Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
