thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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