Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
