Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
