I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
