Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Dicks are not precious.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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