please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
