some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
