So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it glows. i had to have it.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
