just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
