exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
