based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
