i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You ruined the universe
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
