I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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