Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
